Copyright:  / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

Single men are abundant when it comes to the lifestyle. This often means that being “successful” as a single man can be a difficult and daunting task. On the other hand, there are also plenty of single men that thrive as swingers. If you are a single male and you’re new to all of this, doing some research can make a huge difference. Etiquette is very important to consider. If you’re not familiar with proper etiquette, you could easily be blacklisted. Here are some simple tips that can give you the leading edge over your competition.

1. First and foremost – check your motives

The swinger lifestyle is all about openness and honesty, if you can’t get in line with these principles, then the lifestyle just isn’t for you. If you’re not actually single, don’t claim to be. Many men may think that swinging is an easy way to have discreet sex behind their partners back. It’s not. Experienced swingers can spot a single male with the wrong motives from a mile away. Please don’t think you’re fooling anyone. You will be caught, and you will be completely unwelcome in the future.

2. Do your homework

If you are new to the lifestyle you should make a genuine effort to learn as much as you possibly can. There are plenty of resources, just like this, on the internet that will help you learn the do’s and don’ts of the lifestyle. Congratulate yourself, because the fact that you’re making the effort to read this advice is already a great sign!

3. Appearance and hygiene is important

Remember that you’re at the club to meet people, and you want to make a good first impression. Dress as if you would if you are going on a date. Leave the gym clothes for the gym, and choose something flattering and stylish instead. Remember that many clubs and events enforce strict dress codes. Good hygiene and grooming are also extremely important. Simple things like trimming your nails and shaving your beard can make a huge difference. Also, always brush your teeth and use mouth wash. No matter how attractive you may be, bad breath is an instant turn off!

4. Be genuine

Just be natural and socialize! Leave your macho attitude and any expectations at the door. Just being polite is one of the most important things a single guy can do. Don’t bother with cheesy pick up lines, or any pick up lines for that matter. Remember that admission to a club or event does not include a guarantee that you will have sex. These are social events, not brothels! If you have any questions feel free to ask available staff members or more experienced swingers. People in the lifestyle are generally very understanding, and will be happy to share their knowledge.

5. Address a couple as a couple

When approaching a couple many single men make the mistake of only addressing the woman. You should actually be doing just the opposite! Either address the man first or address them as a couple. This also means that you shouldn’t rush to address the woman as soon as her husband isn’t present. Sooner or later he will return, and chances are you’ve already started off on the wrong foot. No matter how much a women may seem interested, if her husband says “no” then you’ve lost your chance. The only time you should be addressing a woman individually, is if she is there as a single woman.

6. Choose your words wisely

Even compliments could be interpreted the wrong way, so you should always watch what you say. For example, telling a guy that “he is lucky to have such a beautiful woman” could make him feel insecure, and it could also upset her as his wife. Also remember not to say anything negative. The old adage, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” still holds true. Many of the people at clubs are regulars that know each other, so talking badly about someone is an easy way to make yourself an outcast.

7. Always ask permission

Make sure that you ask permission before any contact, even if it’s something as innocent as touching. Don’t think that it’s okay to grab a women just because the two of you are dancing. Everyone has different boundaries, and it’s important to be mindful of that. Many people often make the mistake of assuming that swingers lack boundaries, and this is far from the truth. In general you shouldn’t assume anything at all. Getting a clear “yes” is always the best route. You should also avoid asking to have sex. Everyone knows why they are there, and the fact that you’ve approached a couple let’s them know that you are interested. Wait for them to ask you.

8. Never be pushy or aggressive

Not everyone is going to respond to you, and sometimes you just have to move on. Having the capacity to accept a “no” gracefully is very important. Remember that asking “why not” is frowned upon. No one owes you an explanation. Swingers often form close knit groups, so if you make a stink about being rejected it’s quite possible that word will travel fast. Pushy behavior never works, and it can also get you kicked out and banned from most events. Remember that couples are going to want to deal with single men that they consider classy. If your behavior is less than classy, you will find that very few people will be responsive to you.

9. BYOB, but don’t be “that guy”

If the club allows you to bring alcohol, always bring something, even if you don’t drink! Bringing a bottle of vodka allows you to offer drinks to others, and it’s a great way to break the ice. Plus, it is very unattractive when a single guy tries to get drinks from others. On the other hand, you should monitor your alcohol intake and make sure you don’t drink too much. Know your limits. Having drink or two can be a great way to get more comfortable, but no one wants to talk to the guy whose making a fool of himself or throwing up all over the place.

10. If you have an issue, always address the staff

Unfortunately, as a single male, if an issue arrises the blame will usually fall on you. The best way to avoid this is to always alert the staff and/or host of the party before any situation gets worse. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable, approach a staff member and calmly let them know. Also, never intervene in any troublesome situations. If you notice something that the staff should be aware of, let them know! The staff at a lifestyle event is there to help you and everyone else feel as comfortable as possible, take advantage of that.

10 Tips for Single Gentlemen in the Lifestyle