Not too long ago, I posted a fairly negative review of Fifty Shades of Grey. Even though I found the writing simplistic and repetitive, the book was still incredibly popular, and it certainly had a positive effect on many of the women that read it. It is this “effect” that brings me to mention the book again. Many women who may have led more demure sex lives, have found themselves very intrigued by the BDSM play in Fifty Shades. So for this blog post I’d like to give some basic information and tips I’ve dug up for BDSM beginners.
First things first, the term BDSM derives from “bondage” and “discipline” as well as “dominance” and “submission”. BDSM can be practiced in the bedroom only, but for some it is a lifestyle that is practiced all the time. In a BDSM relationship there is always a dominant person and a submissive person. The dominant one can also be called the top/master/mistress/dominatrix, and the submissive could be referred to as the bottom/sub/slave, among other names.
You can practice BDSM play with a current partner, or if you are involved there are plenty of places where you can meet people who share your interest. Be sure to discuss limits, preferences, and expectations before hand.
In BDSM a scene is the setting where the play takes place. The scene can be your bedroom, a dungeon, a BDSM club/party, etc.. There are many different types of BDSM play. Some common acts include role playing, spanking/flogging/whipping, bondage, suspension, chastity belts, and strap on play.
A safe word is commonly used in BDSM play, and it is very important. A safe word is a word that you use in order to signal that things are going to far. Once someone says the safe word this should immediately signal their partner to stop. This should be discussed a head of time along with limitations.
Now that you’ve learned the basics it’s time to get busy! BDSM play can be a lot of fun, despite it’s intimidating connotations. There are tons of resources online if you still want to do some more research. You can also visit your local adult toy shop and browse the aisles for some BDSM basics. I’ve found that the people working at the stores are generally pretty knowledgeable as well, and you could probably ask them for some pointers.
If you are still curious about BDSM and would like to learn even more (or if you already practice BDSM), we host a monthly Thump & Hump party that include a one hour introductory class called “Fetish 101” followed by full on-premise play! This party is geared towards allowing guests to ask questions and get insight into the BDSM community without pressure. We have spanking benches and a St. Andrews Cross that you can use and explore. We’ve brought in additional hostesses to answer questions and demonstrate usage of floggers. It is a great opportunity to learn and explore! If you are interested in attending our next party on August 1, please use the contact us page to make a reservation!