Copyright:  / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

I was at an event in NYC this past weekend, and someone asked me how I have the ability to just walk up to someone and start talking. I didn’t know how to answer her. The truth is that I really don’t know when or where I gained that skill. I do know that I didn’t always possess the self confidence to do that. It got me thinking about how hard it is for some to approach others at a swinger event.

How does a single or couple go from wallflower to the life of the party?

Becoming a social butterfly is no easy task, especially if you’re innately shy. It’s important to remember that there’s nothing wrong with being shy. Sometimes just making yourself more accessible is all that needs to be done. There are plenty of simple steps you can take to start making the change. Plus, these tips translate well to nearly any social situation, so incorporating them in your daily lives can make a world of difference.

Personally, I smile at someone before I start speaking. I don’t put on a fake smile, too many see through that. I like to flash a genuine “I’m having a great day” kind of smile. Smiling makes you more comfortable and brightens the mood. Try it! People are much more apt to pay attention to you if you look happy. Walking up to someone you don’t know, smiling and asking how you they are doing is a simple and easy way to start a conversation. You will be surprised how many with react positively.

If you aren’t at the point where you feel confident about approaching others, at the very least make yourself more approachable. Pay attention to your body language, and even where you are standing. Are you rigidly standing in the corner? Do you have your arms crossed across your chest? Is there a frown on your face? These are all off putting types of body language. You may be subconsciously pushing people away from you just by the way you stand. Try hanging around the dance floor and groove to the music. Dancing can be another great icebreaker.

Try not be afraid of being rejected. We all have this fear, it’s normal, but do not let it get in the way of you having a good time. Remember that no one likes being rejected but it happens to all of us. It’s even happened to us at our own events. You start thinking about all the reasons that they may not like you, but it might just be they are as afraid as you. So simply accept it and move on.

Here is the good news – people at swinger parties are generally very open to meeting new people. After all, isn’t that the main idea of most of these parties? And even if someone is not into you sexually they still tend to be cordial and friendly.

Be polite and considerate. If someone is not in the mood to talk, it’s not a reflection on you. It might even be they are so fearful it comes off as arrogance. Just give them their space, most times someone else will come along that is more receptive anyway.

Above all, be friendly! People love a friendly person, and it will make strangers more open to talking to you.

The bottom line is, don’t let the fear of meeting new people keep you from attending a swinger event. No matter what your appearance is or what your personality is like, you are bound to find special connections if you look for them with a positive mindset. Lots of other people also have a fear of meeting new people. Remember that you’re probably not the only shy one in the room. Most people have concerns and insecurities that are similar to yours. However, you’ll find that you are able to overcome these obstacles with practice. Plus you’ll also be gaining experience and confidence with every new connection.

So get out there and have fun!

Talking to Strangers