Current Article
September 2009 – First time meeting…
Full
Letter: We are a couple new to the Lifestyle. We have done the research and have joined an online swinger site. We have even chatted with and exchanged emails with numerous prospects. We just seem to be unable to make it to the next step of actually meeting. What do you suggest?
Jack and Jill's Answer: Many couples will stall at this point. Whether it is because of reservations felt by one or both partners or simply because of schedule conflicts, it is very common. If you are serious about meeting, the next step is to make a date and stick to it.
However, make sure you set your own ground rules prior to meeting. For instance, the most important thing to agree upon is how far you are both willing to take things at that meeting. Many couples (and justifiably so) will institute a no play on the first date rule. This works very well to relieve tension and allow you to meet without worrying about the outcome.
Another good idea is to meet for a drink, rather than dinner. Most people will get a feel within an hour or so whether they might like to take things further but know within minutes if it is a no go. There is nothing more uncomfortable than a two-hour meal with someone you have no chemistry, especially when you knew it in the first 5 minutes. So limit the length of a first meeting in advance. This alone should alleviate some of the awkwardness you might feel.
Just remember that whatever rules you agree to, abide by them regardless of how you are feeling at that moment. Remember there is always next time.
Click here to email a rebuttal
About Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill reside in
the Greenwich Village area of New York City.
Jack is 47 years old. He has been involved in the swinging
lifestyle, both as a promoter and participant since his
early twenties. His background in club and entertainment
marketing, as well as his experience in swinging lends to
his insights into the lifestyle.
Jill, 35 years old, prior to meeting Jack, had never
participated in the lifestyle. With Jack she’s been swinging
for four years and has been to events throughout the US and
Canada.
Both Jack and Jill review all questions. When their opinions
differ, both are stated. Please note that there are no
finite set of rules to swinging and the answers here are the
opinions of Jack and Jill, however they do reflect the
overall ideals of Adult Socials.
In addition to their column, they counsel couples and
individuals (privately and at seminars) on the subject of
swinging, as well as, host lifestyle events throughout the
US and Canada. As a couple, they bring a unique mix from
both the male and female perspective.
Currently they are also working on a nonfiction novel on
swinging written from a couple’s point of view. The novel
draws on their experiences as well as hundreds of other
couples involved in swinging throughout North America. The
books intent is to quell myths and prejudices, while
addressing issues that couples and individuals, novice and
veteran, face.
Jack and Jill are not their real names. Like most couples
involved in swinging, they feel the need to keep their real
identities, for the time being, private. They welcome the
time when society becomes accepting enough of swinging where
discretion will not be a necessity but a choice. They are
both working towards that goal.
At Adult Socials, we welcome differing viewpoints from the
Swinger Community. If you disagree with any of the comments
on this page and want the chance to have your remarks
posted, please feel free to put your comments into an email.
All correspondence is strictly confidential. Personal email
addresses and full names are never posted. In the event that
we receive numerous rebuttals, we will post the most concise
and well written (in our opinion).
While we cannot guarantee the posting of your email Jack and
Jill make every attempt to answer the numerous
correspondences they receive each week.
Questions, comments and/or rebuttals to Jack and Jill should
be sent to Jack &
Jill. |
